Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
