u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
