Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
