when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
