Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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