i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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