Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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