I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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