I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
