OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
