According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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