just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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