Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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