You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
