I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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