Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So. Much. Porn.
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