So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
