I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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