i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
