drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
