I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
