any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize