Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
