Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
