I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
