Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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