please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
