Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
