I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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