No stitches, just platelets and will power
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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