It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
