I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
