This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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