god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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