Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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