I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Everclear isn't food dammit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
