operation harelip BJ is a go
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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