i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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