i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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