We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
