I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
