Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
