ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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