I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
