You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
