i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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