When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we're making bets on your personal life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
