i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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