Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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