The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
