some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
