i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
