OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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