The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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