you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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