were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
