brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
