i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
