so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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