So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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