If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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