I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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