if only i could text you this smell
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
