I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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