i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
