so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
