Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
