Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
