Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
