I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
