Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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