wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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