I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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