70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
